YOU KNOW YOU ARE A CYCLIST WHEN:-

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Any one of your bikes is worth more than your car.

You choose a house solely on the basis of whether or not it is
flat enough to ride into and how close good roads/trails are

Your bike rack is worth more than your car.

Your legs are tan only to mid-thigh.

The first thing you ask when you regain consciousness is "How's my bike"

You actually move further form work so the bike commute will be more heavy
duty

You mentally log every meal as "good fuel" or "bad fuel"

Your learn you have X money left over after paying bills and the first
thing you do is reach for the nearest bicycling catalog

75% of the tools you own are from Campagnolo

You dream of winning the lottery, and the first thing you think of is
"how many/which bikes can that money buy?"

You can tell your significant other with a straight face that its too hot
to mow the lawn then take off and ride a century

Someone in a car asks for directions and you accidentally give them a
route that includes motor vehicle barriers, or a route that bypasses all
freeways/busy roads (or is very scenic etc.)

You buy a car based on whether or not a bike will fit in the boot 

You pull up hard on the steering wheel trying to jump your car over a
pot-hole

You know the distance of every point of interest within 20 miles of your
house as well as the location of every pot-hole along the way

You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wall space is taken up by
the bike

You read this expecting it to be funny then realize that it all applies to
you

You pull your car into the driveway and subconsciously twist
your heel to clip out of the accelerator

You see glass on the road and point it out for the car behind you

You can't find the brake levers on the steering wheel

You try to stand up to go over speed bumps/railroad tracks...

You signal a turn and hit your wife

You try to change gear by twisting the gearstick